It is hard for me to believe that we are already half-way in to 2011. Over the last several days my mind has been churning - not sure why - just lots of thinking going on (possibly since things have slowed down enough for me to have time to think - lol). I have thought a lot about the last year of my life and all the lessons that have been learned and many still being taught to me. A year ago today I was preparing to have a baby, knowing that I would be induced on July 18 if my sweet peanut didn't decide to come before then (which was terrifying to me - and I was induced), my family had just experienced the loss of my grandfather two weeks prior and my not being able to be there was very difficult for me. My husband was preparing to participate in a Master's program in Seattle which God had miraculously provided for - but remember - new baby, almost 3 year-old and starting back to work in September. There were so many other things going on within our immediate and extended family in the months to come - more than I have time to write about. Big things were happening and still are. I look back at all of that and am amazed. I joke but there is a lot of truth in saying that I feel like the last year has been an exciting, scary, nerve-wracking roller coaster ride with many ups and downs.
The best part of this last year is to look back and see the work God is doing in my heart and my faith. He is stretching me and growing me by only his mercy and grace. It is Him and Him alone who gets all glory for the fact that I didn't go into a full-on panic attack each month when Jeremy went to Seattle for class. God is faithful - His promises are sure.
Since June, Jeremy has been on a leave of absence from where he works to finish his Master's final project (PRAISE the LORD he is done with school!). It has been a wonderful time to reconnect as a couple and as a family. It has been good for us to "take a breath" and really get time to be fed spiritually. It was much needed even though he had lots of work to do for his project. Because he has been on "leave" we have had a chance to visit other churches and that has been amazing. Last week we went to visit a church where we have some friends and it was wonderful to worship with them. I was overwhelmed with the joy and warmth we were greeted with. The singing - AMAZING! One of the songs we sang was "Jesus, Lover of my Soul." I have to say that this is a song I have sung many times - and this sounds odd to say (and slightly embarrassing) but this was the fist time I really remember singing the song and really thinking on the words of the song. I think this may be my favorite hymn right now. As I read over the words, thinking how Jesus is the real lover of my soul, it really does sum up so many of the prayers I have had over the last year of my life - and will continue to be. I think this will be part of my daily reading each day - to think on the words of this song and really make them a prayer for my life. I am so thankful that He is full of grace and truth, the source of all righteousness, that His grace has covered all my sin - that He is the Lover of my Soul. While some of the things that have happened over the last year I would not have chosen on my own, I am thankful God uses all things for our good and His glory. Oh and with Christ - I think that I am starting to be able to loosen the grip I have and put my hands up on that roller coaster ride - knowing I am safe with Him.
Jesus, lover of my soul,
Let me to Thy bosom fly,
While the nearer waters roll,
While the tempest still is high.
Hide me, O my Savior, hide,
Till the storm of life is past;
Safe into the haven guide;
Oh, receive my soul at last.
Other refuge have I none,
Hangs my helpless soul on Thee;
Leave, ah! leave me not alone,
Still support and comfort me.
All my trust on Thee is stayed,
All my help from Thee I bring;
Cover my defenseless head
With the shadow of Thy wing.
Wilt Thou not regard my call?
Wilt Thou not accept my prayer?
Lo! I sink, I faint, I fall—
Lo! on Thee I cast my care.
Reach me out Thy gracious hand!
While I of Thy strength receive,
Hoping against hope I stand,
Dying, and behold, I live.
Thou, O Christ, art all I want,
More than all in Thee I find;
Raise the fallen, cheer the faint,
Heal the sick, and lead the blind.
Just and holy is Thy Name,
Source of all true righteousness;
Thou art evermore the same,
Thou art full of truth and grace.
Plenteous grace with Thee is found,
Grace to cover all my sin;
Let the healing streams abound;
Make and keep me pure within.
Thou of life the fountain art,
Freely let me take of Thee;
Spring Thou up within my heart;
Rise to all eternity.
Charles Wesley
